You may say you think you will go home, but you never really
believe you will!
It had been five years and I had come to understand that
kids were transferred to other institutions; some graduated high school and
were released to the world, but it seemed no one went home for good. Most of us had come to the painful
understanding that we would never go home, because nobody at home wanted us.
Until the day I actually left, I firmly believed my first chance to leave
Maryville would come with my graduation from high school, an event that was
still six years away.
The summer of 1957 was unremarkable in almost every
way. I had been at Maryville for five years and the rhythmic
nature of life there meant surprises were far and few between. In fact, most of
us feared the routine changing, as we had learned that any surprise or change
in our lives was likely to be a punishing, painful, and sad experience.
One sticky and uneventful day that summer, I ran into my
sister Kathleen in the yard. Kathleen was
a high school student and I just finished 6th grade. She started to tease me, telling me she knew
something I didn’t. I kept pressing her
to tell me what she knew. Finally, she
told me that Mother had applied to Catholic Charities and requested that my
sisters and I be allowed to go home permanently. I looked at her in disbelief… “Are you telling
me the truth?” She said she was. I asked Kathleen if she knew when this might
happen, but she said she didn’t know. I
ran and found my younger sister Suzanne and told her. I truly doubt she believed me.
A week or so later, I got up from my nap (required in summer
because of the fear of children catching polio) and meandered down to the yard
to play baseball. We were playing
against another hall, but I don’t remember which one. I was assigned to 1st base for that
game. A girl was up to bat; she hit the
ball and it was thrown to 1st base.
I caught it and tagged her
out. She stayed on base and said I
didn’t tag her, but I had and I told all my team mates that Mary Jean was out. Even if she made it around to home, it was
not to count. I remember feeling
extremely frustrated with the whole situation.
At that point a girl from my hall ran over to me and said Sister Madelyn
had kept my sister Suzanne in the hall after the nap time and she wanted to see
me as well. I was very aggravated with
this girl who decided to stay on 1st base after I had tagged her out
and now I was very aggravated with Sister Madelyn; the day appeared to be
falling apart quickly. I had no idea
what Sister Madelyn was up to, but it had to be bad for me. I left the game and
actually was happy to walk away from Mary Jean on 1st base and ready
to face whatever was ahead of me with Sister Madelyn.
I walked up the stairs to Isabelle Hall and when I saw
sister Madelyn she said, “I didn’t realize you had left and gone down to play
and I have something to tell you.” Her
tone of voice told me maybe this was not going to be too bad; trust me, it was
an awkward sensation. I looked at my
sister Suzanne and she looked as perplexed as I did. Sister Madelyn took us into the broom closet
and closed the door. I didn’t understand
why we had to go into the broom closet, because I didn’t think anyone else was
in the hall; I also was unaware that the broom closet was a good place to talk. She started, “I have something to tell you.” She said, “Genevieve, remember how you told me
your Mother was going to take you home for good?” I shook my head remembering my previous
statement of pride and defiance. “Well…”
she said, “Your Mother is taking you home for good.” She went on and said, “I give credit to your
Mother, because many children are promised that they will be taken home, but in
most cases it never happens.” I asked
her when this was going to happen and she said tonight. I had no idea how to
react. I don’t remember feeling happy or
exalter or anything; I was just in shock.
Sister Madelyn told Suzanne and me to go to our lockers and clean them
out and my Mother would be by later that night to get us. So began my journey home.
I went over to my locker to clean it out and there standing
was Virginia, one of the girls in Isabelle hall. She asked what I was doing and I told her I
was going home for good tonight. Virginia looked at me with
a sad vacancy and said, “You are so lucky.” At that moment, I realized I was lucky. As I started to clean my locker there were a
number of trinkets in there that I had guarded jealously when I thought I would
never leave, but now suddenly, I had no use for them. I looked at Virginia and asked her if she wanted these
items and she said yes. In addition, I
had been knitting an orange and white sweater and it was very pretty, but I
didn’t care about this knitting anymore, or anything else that reminded me about
Maryville . I felt sorry for Virginia ; she was unpopular and I could see
her pain in knowing that I was leaving and she was not. I showed her how far I was along with my
sweater and asked her if she wanted it to finish; she looked at me with tears in
her eyes and said yes. Giving that
sweater to her was the least I could do to help her at that moment, and it felt
good to do. I finished cleaning out my locker and ran back downstairs to my
baseball game. When I arrived all the
girls wanted to know what Sister Madelyn wanted with me as her calling me up
was an unusual occurrence. I looked at
all of them for a minute and then said I am going home for good. They asked when and I said tonight. We all just looked at each other not knowing
what more to say. I had lived with these
girls for five years and there were just no words to describe the feelings at
that moment, we just stood there. I went
back to 1st base but if Mary Jean had run home it didn’t really
bother me anymore; nothing mattered; I was going home.
The rest of the day was a blur; it was a Friday and I
remember my Mother arriving to pick Suzanne and me up. I don’t even remember saying good-by to my
sister Kathleen (she decided to stay at Maryville to finish high school, Pat
and Sharon had graduated from high school and were living at home) or the rest
of the girls in my hall or Sister Madelyn.
I felt a little like a prisoner
escaping from prison not caring who was being left behind and certainly not
feeling a need to say good-by. Suzanne
and I got in the cab and left Maryville
for the last time. Mother asked if we had dinner yet and we said no. That night she took us to an Italian
restaurant and I remember eating spaghetti with meatballs. It tasted great. I had forgotten it was Friday and as a
Catholic, there was no meat on Friday, but I couldn’t have cared less about my
oversight, I just enjoyed my meatballs.
Maybe God would forgive me for that indiscretion, but honestly I didn’t
care.
When I arrived home that evening I learned that my older
sisters Pat and Sharon were away for the weekend so Suzanne and I had the whole
TV to ourselves. We watched TV all night
until it went off the air. At that point
being home didn’t feel a lot different than the many weekends I had been home
previously. But when Sunday night came
and I didn’t have to go back to Maryville
and …that felt very different. When
Pat and Sharon arrived home on Sunday my Mother told Suzanne and I to hide in
the bedroom and we would surprise them.
When they walked in the door I heard my Mother say I have a surprise for
you and I heard my sister Pat say, “It better not be the girls…” With that I just sank down; I was so
deflated. I realized for the first time
Pat did not want us home; I didn’t know why but I didn’t really care. Pat and
Sharon walked into the bedroom and said hello. Pat apologized for her
insensitive remark, but the damage was done. It was not a good way to start my
time at home. That was not the first or
last time I would have to deal with my sisters’ insensitive behavior. People don’t change. I may have gotten out of Maryville , but I still felt unloved,
unwanted, and on the outside of life. Some things are hard to change.
Epilogue
Years later I still continued to find much hardship, but I
also found a life filled with happiness.
I lived with my abusive husband for 30 years, which came to an abrupt
end with a bag packed and a note on the door.
My sisters decided to maintain a relationship with my ex-husband after
the divorce, which was devastating to my children and me. Throughout all of this came a clear
perspective of my life. A few years back
I read an article about a woman who was dealing with the same situation I had
endured with my husband and sisters. The
article was so similar; in fact, my friends thought I had submitted the
story. Out of this article I realized
that I was not alone, and my feelings were not out of place. Life will always pose challenges and it just
depends on how I meet these challenges. I
have two wonderful sons who are doing very well. I have earned an MBA and maintain a great job
with people I care deeply about. I even
play competitive tennis once a week, and sometimes a little ping pong as well…
even though my sons beat me sometimes now.
When someone asks me if I am happy…
I can finally look at them, and with a resounding tone and state, YES!
