A Tale of Two Vacations
There are few times you are given the opportunity to evenly
compare large events in your life. It is
due to the rarity of this circumstance that two family vacations loom so
largely in my consciousness. Both trips
fell over my birthday; and while they were both to amazing places, they could
not have been more divergent in their feel.
In 1989 my husband told me he was taking me and our children
to Ireland
for my birthday. I was thrilled. I am 100% Irish and I was excited to visit
the land of my family. On the day of my
birthday, I awoke early and excited. I
could not wait to celebrate my 45th birthday with my family. It is strange; somehow when it is your
birthday, you expect people to act a certain way around you. They give some indication they know it is
your birthday, but that did not happen and all I thought was oh well! Finally around 6 pm as we headed out for
dinner, I said to my husband, “Do you know today is my birthday?” He replied dryly, “Yes, so?” I followed with, “I thought it would be nice
if you said happy birthday to me.” With
that he snapped at me, “I brought you to Ireland , didn’t I… isn’t that
enough?!” And with that he walked
away. I was crushed. John didn’t even tell my kids it was my
birthday; I could not bring myself to tell them. So the day simply passed… no card, no happy
birthday. The whole interaction crushed
me. I should have been used to his anger
and mistreatment, but it still shocked me.
It was an experience that would haunt me for years.
In light of that trip, it was an interesting moment when my
younger son Zack and I began discussing a trip to Italy , which would, once again,
fall over my birthday. After peeling my
older son Nate away from his job, the three of us set off for Italy …Round
two. Italy instantly was a different trip;
my kids took every opportunity to make me feel great; we all felt great and a
sense of relief knowing that we were all there minus one abuser. The kids were fabulous company and they took
every opportunity to kid me by saying, “Geez Mom… I took you to Italy , isn’t
that enough?!” I have to say if there
was any lingering concern about my birthday, my kids did everything in their
power to make it a very special day. The
night of my birthday became one those funny nights I will always remember. Zack made reservations at a restaurant, which
he was keeping secret. Around 5 PM
Zack, ready for the evening, headed up to the rooftop bar to have a drink. Around 5:30, as I was about to go to meet him,
Zack came back in the room looking as if he had seen a ghost and eaten bad
Chinese food. Zack found this restaurant
in an Italian guide, which sited this as one of the best restaurants in Florence . The restaurant had $$$ which the travel guide
explained was going to be around $100 or more per person. Zack thought that meant the price would be
around $300-$400 in total. Out of
curiosity Zack started reading more about the restaurant on his phone and saw
some reviews. One review stated the food
was excellent, but get ready to mortgage your house to pay the bill. Another stated that the food was great, but
was equivalent to two payments on his BMW.
Zack read on, only to realize that the costs… are you ready… averaged
around $800 per person! Zack came back
to the hotel room, with his head down almost to the ground. He started by explaining
his predicament to me and continued to say he was still willing to proceed with
the evening as planned. After nearly
swallowing my tongue over the cost of the evening, I pleasantly explained to
Zack there was no way in hell I would let him pay that much for any
dinner. Unsure of where the night would
lead us, the three of us headed out, and I had no care in the world because I
was with the two handsomest, nicest, interesting, smartest, and engaging
children any Mother could have. We ended up finding a very charming restaurant
with outdoor seating. The food was
excellent. We had course after course,
wine, Champaign
and more. My kids presented me with
cards, which they created, and a beautiful pair of earrings; gold ones, which
came from the famous “Gold Row” in Florence . The dinner concluded with a wonderful
dessert, candle included and a singing of Happy Birthday, which the entire
restaurant joined in on. The evening was
everything I hoped and dreamed for.
The stark difference between Ireland
and Italy
was people’s desire to make others happy.
My former husband could not have demonstrated any more clearly the
effect of someone who had no regard for others’ feelings and that was a common
theme of our marriage. On the other hand,
my children could not have shown how simple and wonderful it is to be
nice. I guess if I had one major
question about life, it would be: why can’t people be nice to those they
love? Some are not, and it makes
everyone around them suffer, but there are those that show love and compassion
towards each other and that, frankly, is what makes life worth living.
