Birthday Story

 A Tale of Two Vacations

There are few times you are given the opportunity to evenly compare large events in your life.  It is due to the rarity of this circumstance that two family vacations loom so largely in my consciousness.  Both trips fell over my birthday; and while they were both to amazing places, they could not have been more divergent in their feel. 

In 1989 my husband told me he was taking me and our children to Ireland for my birthday.  I was thrilled.  I am 100% Irish and I was excited to visit the land of my family.  On the day of my birthday, I awoke early and excited.  I could not wait to celebrate my 45^th birthday with my family.  It is strange; somehow when it is your birthday, you expect people to act a certain way around you.  They give some indication they know it is your birthday, but that did not happen and all I thought was oh well!  Finally around 6 pm as we headed out for dinner, I said to my husband, “Do you know today is my birthday?”  He replied dryly, “Yes, so?”  I followed with, “I thought it would be nice if you said happy birthday to me.”  With that he snapped at me, “I brought you to Ireland, didn’t I… isn’t that enough?!”  And with that he walked away.  I was crushed.  John didn’t even tell my kids it was my birthday; I could not bring myself to tell them.  So the day simply passed… no card, no happy birthday.  The whole interaction crushed me.  I should have been used to his anger and mistreatment, but it still shocked me.  It was an experience that would haunt me for years.

In light of that trip, it was an interesting moment when my younger son Zack and I began discussing a trip to Italy, which would, once again, fall over my birthday.  After peeling my older son Nate away from his job, the three of us set off for Italy…Round two.  Italy instantly was a different trip; my kids took every opportunity to make me feel great; we all felt great and a sense of relief knowing that we were all there minus one abuser.  The kids were fabulous company and they took every opportunity to kid me by saying, “Geez Mom… I took you to Italy, isn’t that enough?!”  I have to say if there was any lingering concern about my birthday, my kids did everything in their power to make it a very special day.  The night of my birthday became one those funny nights I will always remember.  Zack made reservations at a restaurant, which he was keeping secret.   Around 5 PM Zack, ready for the evening, headed up to the rooftop bar to have a drink.  Around 5:30, as I was about to go to meet him, Zack came back in the room looking as if he had seen a ghost and eaten bad Chinese food.  Zack found this restaurant in an Italian guide, which sited this as one of the best restaurants in Florence.  The restaurant had $$$ which the travel guide explained was going to be around $100 or more per person.  Zack thought that meant the price would be around $300-$400 in total.  Out of curiosity Zack started reading more about the restaurant on his phone and saw some reviews.  One review stated the food was excellent, but get ready to mortgage your house to pay the bill.  Another stated that the food was great, but was equivalent to two payments on his BMW.  Zack read on, only to realize that the costs… are you ready… averaged around $800 per person!  Zack came back to the hotel room, with his head down almost to the ground. He started by explaining his predicament to me and continued to say he was still willing to proceed with the evening as planned.  After nearly swallowing my tongue over the cost of the evening, I pleasantly explained to Zack there was no way in hell I would let him pay that much for any dinner.  Unsure of where the night would lead us, the three of us headed out, and I had no care in the world because I was with the two handsomest, nicest, interesting, smartest, and engaging children any Mother could have. We ended up finding a very charming restaurant with outdoor seating.  The food was excellent.  We had course after course, wine, Champaign and more.  My kids presented me with cards, which they created, and a beautiful pair of earrings; gold ones, which came from the famous “Gold Row” in Florence.  The dinner concluded with a wonderful dessert, candle included and a singing of Happy Birthday, which the entire restaurant joined in on.  The evening was everything I hoped and dreamed for.

The stark difference between Ireland and Italy was people’s desire to make others happy.  My former husband could not have demonstrated any more clearly the effect of someone who had no regard for others’ feelings and that was a common theme of our marriage.  On the other hand, my children could not have shown how simple and wonderful it is to be nice.  I guess if I had one major question about life, it would be: why can’t people be nice to those they love?  Some are not, and it makes everyone around them suffer, but there are those that show love and compassion towards each other and that, frankly, is what makes life worth living.