A wedding at Lake Geneva

Driving to Lake Geneva, my thoughts were complicated to say the least. I was driving up to the Abby resort for my older son Nate’s wedding. While clearly an event of excitement, I was held back in my emotions as I had never really seen eye to eye with my soon to be daughter in law.  A letter she had written me several weeks earlier, had broken the ice between us, and in many ways set the stage for a meaningful relationship.  Still, given the filled schedules leading up to the wedding, I had yet to speak with her face to face since I had received the letter.

A day before the wedding, I met up with Nate, his finance Jacqueline, and my younger son Zack.  Standing under the latticed woodwork of a gazebo near the edge of the property, I thanked Jacqueline for sending the letter and expressed my happiness to have her as my daughter in law.  I know this meant the world to my son as he would later put it, “After that I just knew that everything was going to be ok.”  With the family emotionally united, we all then focused on the matter of hosting a wedding.

Grand plans break down into a myriad of small tasks when planning turns into action. When we walked into the great tent, where the reception would be held, the vast emptiness was a strong reminder of how much there was to do.  The wedding had a nautical theme to correspond with the lake setting.  Nate had worked out a

way to have the place cards be folded like origami to look like little boats.  There were over a hundred of these little boats that were jumbled in a cardboard box. I took it upon myself to organize the boats alphabetically. While seemingly menial, there was something deeply rewarding about taking a project from start to finish. After the boats were arranged, I helped Nate and Jacqueline as they assembled the forty plus lanterns that would eventually hang from the ceiling. Fortunately the florist had been contracted to hang the lanterns and saved us from what sounded like a perilous task.  We wrapped up the preparations not a moment too soon as we rushed off to get ready for the rehearsal.

I had yet to meet Jacqueline’s family before the wedding, so I was eager to meet them. As I walked up, I spotted them quickly as I had seen them in pictures and introduced myself.  Nate and Jackie had been held back at the reception tent dealing with final details so they ran a few moments behind me.  Upon seeing that I was speaking to my future in-laws, before he had formally introduced us, caused Nate to break into the most casual looking panicked run across the property that he could muster. As he reached us, he caught his breath and inquired as to how we were getting on. Gary and Sharon were lovely people to meet and I was very pleased to find that my son was marrying into such a nice family.

The wedding director at the Abbey was a young lady around 25 years old named Tabby, Tabby from the Abbey.  Saying her name over and over, Nate had begun to refer to her as “Tabitha from the Abbitha”.  She had a mannerism that was distinctly reminiscent of the stewardess Elaine from the movie Airplane!. The Reverend overseeing the wedding was not able to make it to the rehearsal due to a scheduling conflict, so we had Tabitha from the Abbitha walk us through the steps. Given the lack of formality that might come with meeting the Reverend overseeing your son’s wedding, Tabby’s rehearsal went rather rapidly.

 We were in Wisconsin.  It was a Friday.  A fish fry seemed like a safe bet.  There are a lot of ways to mess up fish. It can be dry, it can also be limp. The interesting thing about our experience was that somehow the restaurant managed to both features.  While the fruits of the ocean were

not the best, the well-stocked bar managed to keep everyone very happy.  My nephew Andy, who sat to my right, apparently had not eaten in days, because he ate through 3 full plates of the food. The rehearsal dinner all in all went smoothly. Friends and family that we had not seen in years arrived at the dinner much to our delight.  As the night wore on, a group of Nate’s groomsmen and friends found themselves all at one table making solid use of the bars resources.  When I got up to say good night and head back to my hotel, I received a rousing thank you from the room, but especially all sitting at that table.

The next morning arrived quickly. Nate brought over orange juice coffee and pastries.  My younger son Zack, Nate, and I sat there quietly drinking and eating, all aware of the big day before us. Nate left to go get ready, fairly quickly; Zack and I stayed in our room, finished our breakfasts and got ready for the big day.

Being an outdoor wedding, we were at the mercy of the weather and May is often a finicky month. My birthday falls in May and as a child I remember often not being able to wear the summer outfits that I had received.  When I opened the sliding door on my room, Zack and I were met with a brilliant blue sky and embracing warm breezes; we were thrilled.

By 2 pm, Zack, Nate’s best man, had gone off to be with Nate. I made my way through the winding halls of the Abbey. Years of additions had made the hotel a near labyrinth of hallways to navigate. Despite backtracking a few times, I made it to the lobby, where we were all to meet up for the ceremony.

At 3 pm, the string quartet began to play. The guests were seated and it was time for the wedding to begin.  Nate walked to me smiled, hugged me, and placed his arm around mine.  It was at this moment we realized that Tabby was nowhere to be found.  In the rehearsal the day before, she said that she would be there to send everyone down the aisle, but we were alone. What began to look like a problem was resolved when Nate looked at me and said, “Here we go, ready?”  The walk down the aisle was surreal.  As we walked I started to tear up from emotion.  As we walked, I began to notice the song that the quartet was playing, “The Rainbow Connection” from the Muppets.  I was overwhelmed. When Nate was a child, we would sit in our rust stained 1982 Volvo and listen to a Muppets tape and that song specifically, it was our song.  As I made it to the front Nate wrapped his arms around me tightly, fighting back tears he said, “thank you mom, I love you so much.”  I sat down as the rest of the procession filed in.

The ceremony was short and poignant. Growing up Catholic, I appreciated how the Reverend kept things moving.  Nate and Jackie were understandably emotional through the ceremony. At one moment she found herself wiping her nose and then ending up without a pocket to put her tissue in. This occurred while they were supposed to be holding hands during a section of the ceremony where the Reverend was describing the unbreakable bond of marriage.  Not wanting Jackie to stand there with a soiled tissue, Nate reached out took it from her hand and placed it in his pocket.  The Reverend took note by saying, “life is not without adaptation and this moment demonstrates how sometimes you need to care for another above all else.” Nate and Jackie exchanged vows shortly after. In his vows, Nate promised:

“Jacqueline, I promise above all else, to love you for the rest of my life. I promise to be your partner through thick and thin. I promise to hold you when you cry, and laugh with you when you are happy.  I promise to notice the virtue that you bring, and to forgive when life goes array. I promise to be patient and kind. I promise to be the husband that you deserve.  While I cannot promise that I will always succeed in being the best husband that I can be, I absolutely promise, I will never stop trying. Also, I am going to smooch you a lot, take the dog to the park when it is cold, and take you to Cubs games too, this I promise.”

With the conclusion of the ceremony, we moved on to pictures cocktails and the reception.  The pictures were uneventful and other than many of the girls’ heels sinking in to the soft spring ground, everything went off without a hitch.

Our work the day prior had paid off, the tent looked beautiful. Globe lanterns of blue gold and white lit up the ceiling with a wonderful glow.  The tables were set with a nautical theme, and the little boats were being picked up at the front as everyone made their way to the tables.

The dinner was terrific, which is honestly like Bigfoot sightings, rare and never believed, but it was the case.  The cake was cut, speeches were made and Nate and I walked out on the floor for the mother son dance.  The band began to play “You Are The Sunshine Of My Life”, this was the song that I sang to Nate as a baby to put him to sleep.  I cried and held my son so proud of him for the person he had become. As the night went on I got to watch the reception become a lighthearted party. My nephew Andy Brand and his wife and son cut a serious rug as the band played on.  It was an amazing night.

Life is a complex thing; it can give us so much and also leave us so wanting.  Being a person that has faced my set of challenges in life, I, like many, can be wary of large events as they approach.  I approached Nate’s wedding with trepidation, but could not have been more thrilled with the way that everything turned out.  I now have a lovely daughter in law and my son and I have never been closer. I feel lucky.